Starting again feels both uneasy and exciting, yet deeply liberating. I’m in my seventh year at my first job, and I’m preparing to close this chapter.
For over a year, I’ve explored lateral moves but encountered some disheartening moments and barriers that made the process difficult. By the end of 2023, I felt mentally exhausted and isolated, often wondering if anyone noticed the toll it was taking on me.
For years, I allowed too much unsolicited advice and scrutiny shape my identity. A depressive episode in 2020 became a turning point, helping me prioritise a life beyond work and embrace living on my own terms. Recently, while drawing and sharing my life chart, I realised how content I am now. I understand what brings me peace.
My three-month sabbatical in early 2024 provided much-needed relief. Time away from work helped me reconnect with parts of myself I had lost touch with - more observant, present, and in tune with the world. I enjoyed interactions, and found fulfilment in learning from and listening to people’s stories.
After my sabbatical, I spent three more months in limbo before making a compromise move to free myself from the situation. I felt like I was in a holding pattern for over a year, a time of reflection but also stagnation. In recent months, I’ve noticed myself becoming less happy and slipping into patterns I had worked hard to outgrow. I’m sacrificing the things that bring me peace, worn down by the mental exhaustion of feeling unfulfilled.
In recent years, I’ve been volunteering regularly and have attended a few counselling courses. After a year of deliberation, I decided to pursue a Master’s program in counselling, giving it serious consideration during my short sabbatical. I am now fully self-funding the two-year program, but the mental exhaustion I’m experiencing is beginning to strain my ability to fully engage in it.
My first counselling population is the elderly, and engaging with my clients during practicums has been a humbling experience. A recurring theme in their stories is regret over prioritising other pursuits at the expense of relationships, personal health and a balanced life. This serves as a powerful reminder of the balance I’ve worked hard to rebuild in my own life.
Fulfilment, for me now, is journeying with people through what weighs on them. Each counselling session leaves me feeling energised.
Recently, I realised I will graduate from the program at 35 years old, a milestone that feels like a midpoint in my life. Life is transient, and our time is our own. It is our responsibility to make choices that respect and honour the life we have. This clarity has given me the courage to set boundaries and walk away from certain situations.
I spent the first half of my life navigating the education system and had a few good runs at work that I will continue to cherish.
And so, I’m starting again. It feels scary and there are many uncertainties, but I know the decisions I’m about to make are for myself and my well-being. Here’s to no more saying yes for the hell of it.
I can’t wait to share what’s ahead in 2025, where chapters will be closed and new ones will open.